Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

Remember us’n, Shorty an Thelma?

We’s down the country road right past that there pole wit the hanging fish heads.  Thems up all year, not to be mistaken for Christmas decor.  We got that covered here at the park.  We’s the ones wit the lights on our trailor that stays on year round.  Pa’s real smart tha way, not like some folk who waste time taking em down after Christmas, just to put em all back up come next December.  Some people, shees.

We’re not the ones who hung the deer in the tree and strung the lights on him.  Na sir, that there would be our cousin JJ but his ol lady made him take that stuff down this year.

Cousin Billy Bob, Jr. lives two trailor’s down.  He’s the one with the Bud Light Christmas tree.  But I guess you wont be a seein all that this year since yous lettin your Cousin Bubba Claus come instead.

Tell him we’ve gots him his RC and Moon Pie awaitin.  We’d give him pork rinds, but Betty Sue strung them on the tree.  Looks real purty, too.  Yes, sir! 

Well, iffen you’d could tell Bubba that this year we’ll be needin new overhalls, not them fancy stripeed kind, jus regular ones.  Joe Bob Billy would like a new set of uppers since Cousin Kay took his when he brought a U-Hall to her ma’s wake (even though she claims it was her brother Darrell..  I never knowd which Brother Darrell she was a speakin of though).  He’s horrid awful to listen to now.  Ma needs some new under garments ‘cuz I’m tired of her using my drawers – there is no support in em and I’m afraid she jus might hurt her herself now that she’s takin up jogging.  She’s already caused two wrecks.  And Arnie needs some long sleeved shirts to cover up that misspelled tattoo.  He had no ideal, poor boy.  Well, I guess that’s all.

Thank you!

Written for Carry on Tuesday Christmas‘ prompt:  Dear Santa.  🙂

5 responses to “Dear Santa

  1. This is so funny! I think it could describe some people that live near me! Thanks for stopping by.

  2. gotta love this one. I smiled all the way through. nice writing

  3. This was so much fun and loved the childlike innocence in your expressions!! Great Letter and must have made Santa cry!!

  4. A story from real life, taken straight out of the mouths of folks.
    It’s very funny and I spent some time imagining the writer writing his request, tongue sticking out and pen pressing hard.


    Merry Christmas to you.

  5. What a lovely piece. Had me grinning from ear to ear!

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