Pancho

Inspired by “Microfiction Monday
where a picture paints 140 characters, or even fewer.”

  Pancho’s mind was on Feleena.
He saw her ayer at Rose’s Cantina.
As he imagined her dancing there
The rattler caught him unaware
The End

~140 characters~
N
ote: “Ayer” is Spanish it translates to “yesterday”.  It was shorter in Spanish.  I cheated.  🙂
This story of Feleena is based on Marty Robbins’ El Paso trilogy which included El Paso, Feleena, and El Paso City.

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24 responses to “Pancho

  1. I love it! You gotta watch those rattlers! Welcome to the fun and thanks for the visit/comment! Always appreciated!
    Sylvia

  2. Oh my gosh, can’t daydream in the desert!
    I’m not a fan of snakes….good one, made me shiver a bit.

  3. wow….you went for it..good for you
    and funny too

  4. I couldn’t help thinking about rattlers too…

  5. Excellent, Faith–unrequited love, desire and death all in 4 lines of a poem! Well done!

  6. Very clever. I like your take=off on the Marty Robbins’ story.

  7. ‘Ayer’…. that’s my bit of self-improvement for the day! A new word learned! I was a little worried at first.

  8. I like how the final line doesn’t rhyme or fit with the rhythm of the rest of the poem. Makes “The End” all the more abrupt.

  9. Marty Robbins. Oh, good one. I like it!
    — K

    Kay, Alberta, Canada
    An Unfittie’s Guide to Adventurous Travel

  10. You gotta concentrate in the desert!

  11. Awww … poor pancho!

    and did Faleena even know he existed?

    Well done. A real story in 140 characters (and we don’t mind the cheat!)

  12. Those are some pretty tall boots! You’d think they were rattler-proof! Poor guy…

  13. Really great – few words but a big picture!

  14. Hi Faith

    thank you for visiting my blog.
    you have a very interesting site here, I shall have to get to know you better.

  15. My favorite thus far! LOVE it. :O)

  16. haha. teach you not to watch where you are stepping pancho

  17. Oh no! Hope he got away in time. You managed to say a lot in these few characters. Well done!

  18. Oh–poor Panch0…loved your verse! Not sure what Marty Robbins would think of it though…LOL.
    Have a great week. Cheers!

  19. loved it, I like that you used cantina…very funny.

  20. Great job! Thanks for stopping by mine.

    Have a good week.

  21. Oh dear!
    Should have paid attention …
    LOL

  22. OH dear, at least he was thinking happy thoughts.

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